Sacred Union or holy relationship is the ultimate fully realised and awakened intimate relationship between two people. It is only possible where each person is complete, whole in themselves. Each being recognises they are the creator of their world, feels no lack or need, doesn't require their partner to be any particular way and is at total peace with the world. These two perfect wholes come together to make a new greater perfect whole while retaining the two individual identities. But this is an end point most of us are unlikely to reach in this lifetime.
So along this journey what is the form and purpose of our relationships, in particular our most intimate relationship with another person be it a man or woman? Our intimate relationships can take two main forms and the form will determine the role the relationship plays in our life.
The first is the most common. It's the relationship we have where the other person is there to make us feel happy, secure, satisfied and plays the role of our missing 'other half'. Our partner is our whipping horse who we take out all our internal pain and frustrations. And we play the same role for them.
We look for someone who matches our patterns and someone we can get along with. Someone who is willing to play their part in our game. They like this insane game as much we do. One partner might play the role of the dominant and the other plays the role of the submissive but both do it by choice so both can feel they are a victim of the other.
Ultimately it's the choice for a lose/lose relationship but it does have a very big attraction. It is the only way to stop your deepest suppressed emotions from surfacing. It's a way to maintain your 'whole of body' contraction without exploring the pain of your inner world.
This is commonly called a co-dependent' relationship and nearly all relationships fall into this category to a greater or lesser extent. Arguments and points of conflict are a reason to either continue but to complain about the problems with the other person or the arguments end up being a reason to breakup and find someone 'more compatible'. The problems are seen as being 'in the relationship' or more often with the other person. Blame, judgment and projection are the order of the day and common. We feel justified in how we act because of THEIR actions. We make the other dependent so as not to lose them. Fear of loss generally dominates these relationships.
These unhealed codependent relationships often end up finding a pattern of relating that suits each others egoic conditioning. They can be relatively stable but without each individual ever fully living their essence and finding their own full alignment with their soul. About half of these relationships fall into this category. In the other half, the tension becomes too great and the relationship terminates, often under very acrimonious circumstances.
The second type of relationship could be called a growth, conscious or healing relationship. Unlike the co-dependent relationship, the purpose is not to find someone whose egoic conditioning you are compatible with or someone who you don't have any arguments or conflict with. You could be in this type of relationship with the exact same person as in the codependent relationship but the approach taken to issues that arise is like chalk and cheese.
The focus is first on there being a deep soul connection and an underlying alignment. If the foundation for the relationship is there, then the issues, arguments and conflict are not only accepted but are welcomed with deep gratitude as what arises in the arguments or relationship tension can be used to heal and free both of the individuals from their own underlying conditioning.
The deep connection allows each individual's heart to open to their suppressed emotions. The intimate relationship plays this crucial role in opening the heart to allow these painful suppressed emotions to emerge and be freed. It can feel like it is the partner which is the cause of the pain but if we look inside we will find the true source.
It is also likely there will be conflict between the layers of conditioning of the two people in the relationship. Once again in a conscious relationship this conflict is a cause for gratitude as the tension exposes limiting beliefs and underlying conditioning which would otherwise be hidden and which inhibites both love and freedom in the relationship.
Any time one or both of those in a conscious intimate relationship feel annoyed, displeased or angered by an action of the other, rather than pointing the finger at the partner, blaming them or going into victimhood, this is an opportunity to turn the finger around to explore what is it in me that is disturbed. What is it in me that is as yet unhealed resulting in me feeling this way. It begins and ends with a recognition that the emotion or feeling is in me and not caused by the partner.
The healing and clearing of the issue in the individual who is feeling the particular emotion paves the way for deeper levels of love, connection, freedom and true harmony. Each individual takes 100% responsibility for what they are feeling and 100% responsibility for the co-creation. The first response to any disagreement is gratitude. The second responsibility. The third personal exploration and action. The dynamic is the exact opposite of the unhealed co-dependent relationship.
Neither the codependent or conscious relationship is the one and only right choice. What will be right for one person at a particular stage in their life will be wrong for another. Never-the-less it is only a conscious healing relationship that offers the fullest opportunity for us to fully live from our deepest essence.
Live Your Essence!
© Rod West - Live Your Essence